Try Again
by Obsessed-With-Cats
Summary: There’s only one way to make their relationship as good as it once was. They will have to start over. Danny/Lindsay. Spoilers for season five episode ‘The Box’
1. Chapter 1

Pause

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI: NY or the characters.

Summary: There's only one way to make their relationship as good as what it once was. They will have to start over.

Spoilers for season five episode 'The Box'

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She tells him that it isn't the right time: they should wait until their lives are more ordered, instead of rushing. But that isn't the real reason that she won't marry Danny. Lindsay wants to know that she really loves him before she marries him. And she doesn't right now. There was a time when she loved him more than anything else in the world, but their relationship has been slowly but irrevocably crumbling around them for too long. She cannot name one particular event or time that started the damage. Lindsay doesn't know when Danny started to revert to the impulsive and angry attitude that he had all but left behind when they first met, but she knows that as much as he tries to deny it, Danny too has noticed the way he shouts more often, and they can't enjoy each other's company the way they used to.

He isn't trying hard enough to do the right thing to fix it. Lindsay can tell, even if Danny can't, that the marriage proposal is a desperate attempt to salvage what they still have, for the sake of their unborn child. She can also tell that it won't work unless he works on the attitude change that goes with it. She wants to marry the man she fell in love with, not what he has become since. If their relationship is going to work, they will have to start from the beginning. It must be rebuilt not repaired, if it is to last at all, otherwise the covered cracks will grow, hidden, until the relationship gives way.

She wonders how she will keep from breaking down when she visits her family in Montana the week after next, to tell them she is about to become a mother. When they ask how long till she will be married. When they ask why Danny doesn't come up to Montana with her, and why they don't call each other while they're apart.

That's when she realises; she can't be near him any more. It hurts too much to keep trying, to think of what they used to have, to keep repairing. If she is to rebuild this relationship, she must first distance herself from the broken one. She will have to stay in Montana, if she is to have any hope of getting her life with Danny back. Maybe she will be able to return to New York, maybe start a new relationship with Danny, maybe neither.

She can't tell him she's leaving, or he will plead for her to stay, and she won't be able to resist. She simply won't come back at the end of her two week stay in Montana.

Her resignation form is on Mac's desk the next day, along with a request that he keeps it quiet. She calls her parents and tells them she might be staying for longer than expected, and starts to look for a job in Montana. This is the easy part. Keeping busy, getting things done. Many of her things have moved back from Danny's to hers in the same way they moved in the opposite direction: the more time she spends at her house the more of her things she takes from Danny's to use at her own home. So it is easy for her to pack up all her belongings, and Danny doesn't notice her retrieve the few things that are still at his which she has to take with her.

Work is normal for the five days after she makes the decision. She barely thinks about what she's going to do, only to formulate an acceptable explanation for her parents when she first sees them, she will only explain properly if they ask too many questions. And then the answers will be easier, because she can just tell them what the want to know, and nothing else.

She considers writing a letter, to explain why she has to leave to Danny but isn't sure she can put her thoughts onto paper any more than she can into words, and she isn't sure how this new Danny would react, so she settles for leaving a very short letter for all of them. She puts it on the table in the break room two minutes before she leaves to take a taxi home and then to the airport. Leaving no time to take it back.

She distracts herself every time she thinks of what she is doing, afraid she won't have the will power to carry on, so she's nearly in Montana before she allows herself to wonder what everyone in New York will think. The careful detachment from the situation snaps like an elastic band pulled too tight, and hits her so hard she struggles to breathe for a few minutes as she considers life away from what had become her new home, and the old Danny that she had fallen in love with. Tearing herself away from thoughts of the horrible possibility that she might never find that Danny again, Lindsay watches the runway as the plane landed in the place she is once again calling home.

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Is it worth me carrying on writing this fanfic? Should I try another chapter?


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks to everyone who reviewed. I probably wouldn't have carried this one on otherwise.

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She feels surer of the decision she has made when she sees her parents, waiting for her at the airport to take her home. Lindsay's dad has always had a way of making her feel that anything could be fixed, and as she got into the car with them, she realised that even if she would have preferred to have Danny help her care for their child, she wouldn't be lacking in helpers in Montana.

She walked slowly up the path to the front door of her family's house, her hand resting across the barely noticeable bump of her belly, wondering whether it was the right thing to do, separating herself from Danny, so that they had a chance of enjoying a life together later. She hoped that he and their baby would understand why she had done what she had.

There was a knock on Lindsay's bedroom door as she put her clothes and other belongings where they would belong for the next few months or years, and she looked up to see her older sister had slipped in and perched on the edge of the bed.

"So who and where is the father, Linds?" Ashlea asked, not bothering to explain how she even knew Lindsay was pregnant. "Is it that guy who followed you from New York for the trial?" she added, remembering the way they had acted when they were around each other.

"Yes, it's Danny, and he's staying in New York. We aren't together any more. Things changed. He changed too much." Lindsay explained. "A friend of his died, and he just closed up and stopped talking to me." She elaborated, not bothering to say anything about Rikki. "and so I'm staying here, until I can stand to go back and see if he's ready to let me into his life again."

"You're going to work part time at the crime lab here aren't you" Ashlea changed the subject quickly, noticing that Lindsay wasn't prepared to say any more.

"Yeah, are you still working there?" Lindsay asked, trying hard not to think about the people at the New York crime lab who would no doubt now be dealing with Danny's reaction to the news that she wasn't coming back. Their conversation was cut short by a yell from the kitchen.

"Linds, Ash, come and help set the table for dinner!" Lindsay finished standing up the picture frame on her bedside table, took one glance at the picture of herself and the man she had left behind, sitting happily on a bench in central park, before things had changed too much to be fixed, and left the room after her sister, shutting the door on the photo as she had on the last three years of her life.

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To say Danny hadn't taken the news well would have been a massive understatement. Flack and Sheldon had both tried to talk to him, to try and encourage him to just carry on until she came back, which she was bound to do eventually, they claimed, but they had had no luck and he continued to work impossibly long hours and take less and less care of himself. They had finally given up and Mac had talked to Danny. Having been in a similar situation himself, Mac had been able to get Danny almost back to normal, but he still refused to talk to anyone unless it was absolutely necessary, and became so sullen that he managed to get into a fight with Don over the outcome of a case.

He had tried to call Lindsay repeatedly, but it appeared she had changed he phone number, and no one knew what her new number was, except Mac, who didn't tell him because he was hoping that Danny would find it easier if he could make a clean break of it, rather than hanging on and hurting himself for longer than necessary.

Danny's only comforting thought now was that she had taken the photograph with her, a reminder of what they had had, and evidence that she didn't intend to completely forget him or hide his identity from their child. He longed to help raise their child, but knew that he and Lindsay were not in a position to do that together, and it would be better for any child not to live with two parents that couldn't speak to each other. He wondered what She would tell the baby, when he or she was old enough to understand, about him. Whether she would ever visit, or if she would change her mind and come back to stay. And then he realised that she would only stay if she could see that he had the right kind of attitude towards her. He had to work on a good attitude that would prove to Lindsay that he could handle raising a son or daughter.

He tried. He got his friends to point out everything he was doing wrong, and tried his hardest to fix it. That was what kept him going, that and the idea that if Lindsay came back she would bemore likely to want to stay. And he refused to think about what would happen if she never came back. Because that was too painful to even consider.

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Lindsay made some important decisions about exactly how much contact she would have with Danny and her friends in New York. She decided that in exactly two years she would return, unless something major happened to change the date. She would send Danny a picture of their child, and tell him what she had named him or her. She would send a Christmas card at Christmas, and that was it. She wrote these rules she had set herself down, so that she couldn't change them, along with a strict reminder to herself to forget Danny at all other times.

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Better than the first chapter? Worse? Similar? Anything I need to do better?


	3. Chapter 3

Again, Thanks for the reviews! Don't worry, it is getting happier. And the first chapter was set just after Danny found out Lindsay was pregnant, so it's ignoring important episodes afterwards like 'Point of no Return' and 'Pay Up'.

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"Daddy!" Corrine Aimee Monroe-Messer shrieked, pointing in the general direction of her father's photograph on her bedside table. She stared at her mother, who was in the process of helping her into her pyjamas, with a look that was asking questions she hadn't yet learned to put into words. 'Daddy' had been her third word, which despite his absence wasn't surprising, because Lindsay had made sure from Corrine's birth that her father's absence was explained, in attempt to make it easier when her finally got to meet his daughter.

Lindsay smiled and explained for the sixth time, "We're going to see him next week", her heart jumped as she thought of how close that was "We can show him all of the photos I've taken of you, and we might be able to stay with him" Lindsay let her mind linger on this thought as she tucked Corrine into bed and turned out the light.

Her resolve to stay in Montana for two years had crumbled to dust when she had seen her daughters startled blue eyes, just moments after she was born, identical to Danny's and reminding her painfully of when she had told him she was pregnant. She had decided that instead she would start preparing to go back after eighteen months, which would hopefully get her back in New York three or four months early.

She had called Mac two months ago, and asked him somewhat cryptically; "Is it a good idea for me to bring Corrine to New York in a couple of months?" unable to bring herself to ask any actual questions about how Danny would be likely to react.

Fortunately, he had understood, and his equally cryptic response had been "Yes, things have got much better." She had spent the rest of the day too shaky to pick anything up, but as soon as she had recovered from the excitement of the idea that she was going back to New York and she would see Danny again, she had started making arrangements for the trip.

Now she was sure she would be staying in New York once she went back, she had managed to get her job at the crime lab, part time so she could spend more time with Corrine, and she had found several possible apartments that she could live in with Corrine and hopefully Danny after a while.

Ashlea had insisted she was going with them for the first week, and although Ashlea wouldn't admit it, Lindsay was sure that it was in case things went wrong. Ashlea had claimed that it was because she had never been to New York, and she wanted to spend some more time with her niece. Lindsay was glad she was coming, whatever the reason, because she suspected she would need her sister's support. Even the nervousness she had felt when she had left for the first time seemed tiny compared to the fear that Danny wouldn't want to be a part of her life any more.

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Ashlea's ability to navigate through crowded place that she had never been to before turned out to be amazingly useful as Lindsay followed her sister through the third impossibly busy airport that day. Lindsay was carrying Corrine, because there was no way she was going to risk letting her walk with so many people around, and about third of their minimal luggage. Ashlea was carrying two suitcases and various other odd things which had made their way out of their bags and now had to be carried separately. They were glad to collapse into a taxi on their way to Lindsay and Corrine's new home so that they would rest before arranging all of the furniture and putting away all of their belongings. Lindsay suspected that she would have a lot of things to do over the next two weeks before she started work again, and she made a mental note to plan it so that she would have plenty of time left at he end of the fortnight if any of the jobs lasted longer than expected. If they didn't, she would be able to spend more time with Danny, which she hoped would be a good thing.

When they arrived at her new apartment, Lindsay paid the taxi driver, and helped Ashlea to take all of their luggage up the three flights of stairs, Corrine trailing along behind them, as Lindsay had let her walk now there was no one else around.

The first job on Lindsay's list of things to do, after they had tidied up the apartment as much as possible and had a drink and a rest, was to meet their next door neighbour who would be taking care of Corrine when Lindsay was at work. Since her youngest son had moved out five years earlier, Lily had spent most of her time looking after other people's children. She was amazingly energetic, and having raised three children of her own, had a good idea of how to cope with the little problems that crop up around them. Lindsay was impressed by the way she managed to make friends with Corrine in only an hour, and thought somewhat cynically that Corrine's babysitter was about the only thing she felt confident about in the whole move.

While Ashlea and Corrine made dinner in their half furnished kitchen, Lindsay made the list of things she needed to do – things like phone the company that at failed to deliver their furniture, show Corrine and Ashlea some of the things that she felt it was important to see in New York City, call Mac to confirm some of the smaller details about returning to the lab and buy some food for the week ahead. She put 'Visit Danny' determinedly near the top of the list, right after food shopping, which meant that she would find out just how things had changed between them just the next afternoon. The nervous feeling intensified along with a thrill of excitement, as she looked forward to introducing Danny to their daughter.

Ashlea, Lindsay and Corrine slept on the floor in sleeping bags that night, because the company that was supposed to be moving their furniture had been delayed and their beds wouldn't be arriving for three more days. Lindsay hoped that would be the only problem with coming back to New York.


	4. Chapter 4

This will probably be the last chapter. Thanks for all of the reviews.

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She pressed the doorbell quickly, before she could chicken out, her hand shaking as she waited for the moment she had been dreading and wanting at the same time for twenty one months. Corrine pressed her head into Lindsay's shoulder, not quite sure what was going on, but interested to meet her father for the first time.

The door opened slowly, and as Danny peered through the doorway, the shocked look on his face would have been hysterically funny if it weren't for the fact that Lindsay was too busy noting how little he had changed in appearance to laugh. His face still matched the photograph that was now on the floor next to Corrine's sleeping bag, he was even wearing the glasses that he had stopped wearing a while before she had left. The three of them stayed in the same position for a few seconds, neither of the adults quite sure how to break the silence of two years; both wondering if enough had changed. Corrine finally brought their thoughts back to the present.

"Daddy!" she yelled, recognising him from the photo, and glad to have a person to call by her second favourite word.

Danny pulled himself out of the trance they had fallen into, and managed to form a coherent sentence "Hello, would you by any chance be Corrine?" he asked quietly, noting that her eyes were the same colour as his as he smiled at Lindsay to prove that he hadn't forgotten her. "Would you two like to come in?" he asked, knowing that they would need to sit down to have the inevitable conversation.

"She's been asking to see you for months," Lindsay explained as they found seats on the kitchen, "And to be honest I wanted to see you as well. I didn't really want to leave in the first place. But I think we both knew that that wasn't going to work."

To her surprise, it was Danny who voiced what the problem had been. She hadn't expected him to really understand what it was; only that it had been there. "We stopped talking to each other. I stopped letting you know how I was feeling. I thought I could deal with it myself, and that hurt you. I'm sorry. I wish you hadn't had to leave, and I nearly hated you for it at first, but I realised why you had to. I had changed too much. I've worked on changing back while you've been gone." He stopped suddenly, smiled at Corrine, and added "I'm glad I did. It might make things easier for us now."

Lindsay was stunned. She hadn't expected him to make quite such a conscious effort to have things how they had been before, and was pleasantly surprised by how easy he was now finding it to talk to his own daughter who he had never met before. They were having quite an animated conversation, and considering that Corrine's vocabulary consisted of only about twenty five words, and the only five she used on a daily basis were 'Mommy', 'Daddy', 'yes', 'no' and 'carrot' (which was her favourite food).

Lindsay listened intently to their conversation as she got up to make drinks, as Danny was clearly to preoccupied to do so, and hoped that since he was able to get on so well with Corrine, she might be able to just fall back into their relationship as effortlessly as they had fallen out in the first place. By the time she had finished making the drinks, Corrine had climbed onto Danny's lap - apparently he was more comfortable to sit on than the chair – and he was telling her how he and Lindsay had met. Lindsay and Corrine had arrived at his apartment at about three o'clock in the afternoon, and the three of them continued to talk until half past five, when Corrine started to fall asleep. Danny found a pizza in the bottom of the freezer, and he and Lindsay started to make dinner – Pizza and carrot sticks- so that Corrine could eat before she slept.

They ate in the living room, sat on the floor around the coffee table, too tired and relaxed to bother with setting the kitchen table with cutlery and sitting properly. Danny and Lindsay continued their conversation, moving onto more difficult topics about what had happened while they had been apart, and what would happen now, while Corrine put all of her energy into eating and then fell asleep almost as soon as she finished. Lindsay watched Danny's heart melt all over again as he watched his daughter sleep with her head resting against his ankles, her wavy hair covering his feet. Lindsay suppressed a smirk as she thought of the cramp he would get if he didn't move his feet until she woke up, and went out to their car to fetch Corrine's blanket, as it didn't look like she would be waking up any time soon – it looked like Danny would let her sleep forever.

When Lindsay returned, she found that Danny had also fallen asleep, and she managed to find a way to get the one small blanket to cover them all, thinking that this had possibly been the best day of her life.

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I might do a short epilogue if enough people want one. Otherwise, this is the end. Hope you liked it!


	5. Chapter 5

Lindsay watched the runway come up to meet the plane as she had almost exactly a year ago, only this time without the fear and uncertainty she had felt the last time. Several important things had changed for the better in her life since then. First, and most noticeable, the seat next to hers was occupied not by her older sister but by her new husband, who she had insisted accompany her to Montana just after their daughter's second birthday.

Corrine was the second change; she was now nearly a year older than she had been on her first flight to New York. Her vocabulary was increasing at an alarming rate, probably due to the fact that she spent a lot of time around her parents' friends, who were all determined to teach her forensic science.

Although it had taken quite a while for Danny to get used to living with Lindsay and Corrine after living alone for nearly two years since Lindsay had left, they had settled into a routine that meant they managed to earn money and still spend plenty of time together, and after a few months, it felt like they had been together from the beginning.

Things had moved so smoothly to normal in New York that Lindsay had wondered when it was going to go wrong. Even moving back to work had been easy, Corrine had been happy to spend five mornings a week with their neighbour, Lily, while Lindsay went to work. Her desk had never been moved, she still shared her office with Danny, and it was a relief to find that all of her old friends were still working at the lab.

Corrine suddenly found herself the most interesting thing that the lab had come across in years. Stella and Jessica had come to Lindsay and Danny's apartment the day before Lindsay started work, and by the next week Corrine had most of the lab wrapped around her little fingers. Stella now visited every week, and sometimes looked after her when Lindsay had to work on Stella's day off. Even Sid had managed to find some time to leave the morgue and tell Corrine about how he had helped her parents get together.

Lindsay and Danny were very careful not to repeat the mistakes they had made the first time; they didn't want Corrine to have her parents separated again, and wanted to spend as much of their lives as possible together. And soon they would have another reason. Three weeks before their trip to Montana, Lindsay had found out the she and Danny were expecting another child. They had been able to tell her parents together this time, and Danny would be able to see their second child growing up himself, instead of through photographs.

Corrine hadn't really seemed to care about the idea of having a younger sibling when she had first found out, but it become evident a week later that she had in fact been thinking about it a lot. She had spent most of the flight to Montana asking questions about her brother or sister, and Danny and Lindsay had answered as many of her questions as they knew the answers to. She had surprised them by asking questions that they hadn't thought about, and they realised that they Corrine seemed to want them to plan ahead more than they had already. They had spent one morning while they were in Montana explaining in as much detail as they could what would happen, determined that they would keep Corrine involved, so that she would understand better why they would be spending less time concentrating on her.

"You're gonna be the best big sister in the world, Corrine" Danny told his daughter confidently as they left the airport, Corrine sitting on his shoulders so he could carry their suitcases. Corrine smiled happily from her perch above the rest of the crowd.

"Best family" she announced, equally confident. Lindsay grinned, taking a suitcase from Danny so that they could hold hands, thinking that Corrine was exactly right.

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This actually is the last chapter. Thanks to everyone who's reviewed.


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